Using AI alongside instead of inside personal relationships

A few days ago, we explored research evaluating the impact of AI mediated communication on personal relationships. If messages written by AI include more emotional support and result in recipients feeling heard, but recipients perceive messages written by AI as less valuable and negatively impact their satisfaction with the relationship, what is the best option?

Is this a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation? Maybe not.

Perhaps instead of putting AI inside relationships, so it mediates communication, AI can be used as a tool alongside relationships. AI can help improve our skills at being supportive while we're still the ones who are providing the support for our loved ones. 

Improve the emotional support you provide

In this case, rather than using AI, we’re acknowledging the research that AI is better at emotional support, because it provides more comprehensive emotional support. We can uplevel our responsive support by bringing in more comprehensive emotional support.

Pause before responding. It’s simple but not always easy. Before you respond to your friend. Ask yourself, “What does my friend need from me in response?” Which of these types of support might they need (even if it's different from the type of support you feel most skilled and confident in providing)?

1. Emotional support: expressing empathy to alleviate distress
2. Informational support: providing suggestions or advice to solve a problem
3. Esteem support: conveying encouragement to boost someone’s evaluation of themself
4. Companionship: alleviating someone’s loneliness and increasing feelings of belonging 
5. Reciprocal self-disclosure: sharing personal experience as relatable insights

The right type of support can make a big difference!

According to research, people are better at reciprocal self-disclosure and not as great at emotional support. So when crafting your response, consider whether your emotional support is explicitly stated or implied. If your friend is stressed and overwhelmed, make it easy for them to see your emotional support and explicitly state it. 

Here’s a real example from one of my amazing (real, not fictional) friends:

I made it to the final round of interviewing for a job that I felt was perfect for me. I checked my email and found out that I was rejected. After sharing with a friend, I received this message:

“Nooooooo!! Oh man, I’m so sorry to hear that. What an absolute bummer after all that work you put in… It really is their loss, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. I’m sure you’ll look back on this when you’re doing something you love and be glad that it worked out this way. Until then, a hex on them all.”

My friend led with emotional support, acknowledging the disappointment and grief I must be feeling. Then she followed with esteem support, which felt like a vote of confidence in my skills and talents. Then she made me laugh by saying, “Until then, a hex on them all”. I certainly didn’t want anything bad to happen to them! 

It was the perfect response. My friend totally showed up for me the way that I needed.

Use AI as a coach in preparation for challenging conversations

Sometimes people ask AI to write something because it’s just so difficult to put into words, and AI is so good at putting things into words. Language is a tool for communicating our ideas. Practice can help us wield this tool more effectively.

You can practice putting challenging conversations into words by leveraging AI in a role-playing exercise that feels conversational. You can also write a letter to practice putting your thoughts into words if you want to focus during your practice.  

Try a prompt like this:

“I want to role-play a conversation about [topic] with someone who is [a little about their personal and relationship to you]. Will you pretend to be them, so I can practice putting my thoughts into words?”

Then start the conversation and practice putting your thoughts into words. You can try to explain something one way and then another. Use dictation to simulate a verbal conversation and typing for a text conversation. After the conversation concludes, review the conversation and highlight some things you are proud of and what you’d like to continue to improve on. 

You can also ask the AI chatbot for some feedback after the conversation. Try a prompt like this: 

“In this conversation, I wanted to be empathetic and kind but also maintain my boundaries. Will you provide me with three examples of where I did this well and three examples of where I could improve?”

While role-playing with AI is a practice opportunity, it will not be the same as having the conversation with your friend or loved one. Your friend has a shared history will you that will change the conversation. They have their own past experiences that influence their perspective. As you review the conversation transcript, consider how your friend might respond differently. 

Practice, but don't try to be perfect. It’s normal to find it difficult to put thoughts into words during a challenging conversation.

Using AI for informational support

Research also showed that AI is better at providing informational support. With the entire internet behind AI, I’m not at all surprised. AI could provide better and faster informational support than we could to our friends.

Again, we should focus on using AI alongside the conversation with our friend or loved one. Ask for permission first. Here’s what that might look like and where AI might come in. 

Let’s say your friend was in a car accident recently. Thankfully, they are okay, but their car is totaled. They are stressed about buying a new car with their limited budget, and they have no idea how much money they are getting from the insurance company. You’ve thought about the different types of support and offered emotional support, but now there’s this big problem that needs to be solved. Information support feels like the right next step. 

You aren’t an expert, but you are a friend who wants to help and can provide the gift of your time. You could ask your friend, “Would it be helpful for me to do some research about finding good deals on cars? I can do that while you focus on working with the insurance company.” 

If they would welcome the help, then you could ask AI, “I'm helping a friend out who was recently in a car accident that totaled their car. Thankfully, they are okay, but they need to get a new car. They don't have a big budget and don't want to get stuck with a cheap car that will need a bunch of work. They are in Denver. What recommendations do you have for finding an inexpensive, reliable car?” 

When I dropped this prompt into ChatGPT it responded with five tips, including information on how to avoid a lemon like getting a pre-purchase inspection and a few trusted mechanics in Denver. Now you could call those mechanics and ask about the cost and timeline for a pre-purchase inspection. 

Your relationship is one of a kind

I want to highlight a big research limitation of the research I reviewed. The studies I included didn’t evaluate real relationships between people who know each other. 

You know your friend better than a stranger. You know that when they are overwhelmed with work, they rewatch Schitt’s Creek. You know that flowers to show you are thinking of them is their love language. Or you know that a funny story to distract them is what they need.

Your response might not be perfect, but it’s the type of response that could only happen within the context of your relationship with your friend. Don't let any efforts to improve your support detract from the incredible value of a close relationship.

Take aways

1. Provide more comprehensive emotional support by pausing and asking yourself what kind of support would be helpful to your friend right now. 
2. Try role-playing with AI to practice putting your thoughts into words for challenging conversations. Keep in mind that it's normal to find it difficult to put your thoughts into words under any stress.
3. Use AI to provide better informational support when informational support is what your friend needs most, but be transparent about doing research rather than presenting yourself as the expert when you are not.

References

Liu, B., Kang, J., & Wei, L. (2024). Artificial intelligence and perceived effort in relationship maintenance: Effects on relationship satisfaction and uncertainty. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 41(5), 1232–1252. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075231189899

Meng, J., Zhang, R., Qin, J., Lee, Y.-J., & Lee, Y.-C. (2025). AI-mediated social support: The prospect of human–AI collaboration. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 30(4). https://doi.org/10.1093/jcmc/zmaf013

Yin, Y., Jia, N., & Wakslak, C. J. (2024). AI can help people feel heard, but an AI label diminishes this impact. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 121(14), e2319112121. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2319112121